Romance scams typically begin on social networking or dating platforms, where scammers craft detailed false identities to appear genuine. They use photos stolen from real people and construct believable personal stories that align with their target’s interests and values. Once emotional attachment is established, the scammer fabricates crises to solicit money — such as medical emergencies, travel expenses, or temporary financial hardship (Buchanan & Whitty, 2021).
Research shows that these scams rely heavily on psychological grooming, gradually deepening emotional bonds before introducing requests for financial help (Whitty, 2018). Unlike traditional fraud, victims are not merely deceived about money - they are deceived about love, which makes the experience deeply personal and traumatic.
Victims of romance scams often experience emotional trauma comparable to that of bereavement or betrayal. They may develop symptoms associated with depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress due to the intensity of the manipulation (Whitty & Buchanan, 2016). The emotional attachment that victims feel toward their scammers can persist even after discovering the deception, creating internal conflict and shame.
The loss of trust extends beyond romantic contexts. Many victims struggle to trust new partners, friends, or online interactions (Cross, Richards, & Smith, 2016). This erosion of social confidence contributes to isolation and reduced wellbeing. Moreover, the stigma surrounding fraud victimisation reinforces silence, discouraging people from reporting the crime or seeking psychological support (Button et al., 2022).
The social consequences of romance scams are far-reaching. Victims often hide their experiences due to embarrassment, which reduces opportunities for early intervention and recovery. Families and friends may become strained as attempts to warn or intervene are often perceived as interference. The combination of secrecy and shame perpetuates vulnerability to repeated exploitation (Cross et al., 2016).
Financial losses can be substantial. Victims frequently send large sums of money or transfer assets to scammers they believe they are helping. Beyond immediate loss, the emotional distress associated with financial ruin can damage self-esteem and lead to long-term financial insecurity (Button et al., 2022). Some victims also experience identity theft or become unintentionally involved in illegal transactions, compounding the harm.
A defining feature of romance scams is their use of emotional intimacy as a tool of control. Scammers exploit universal attachment mechanisms — the same psychological processes that underpin genuine love and bonding (Whitty, 2018). Victims often describe the relationships as authentic and fulfilling before the deception is revealed.
Buchanan and Whitty (2021) found that many victims demonstrate secure attachment styles in everyday relationships, challenging the stereotype that only lonely or naïve individuals are at risk. This highlights that susceptibility is not about intelligence or education, but rather about emotional connection and empathy — traits that scammers deliberately manipulate.
Recovery from a romance scam is complex and multifaceted. Emotional healing involves processing grief and betrayal, rebuilding self-worth, and re-establishing trust. Psychological support can be vital in helping victims navigate guilt and shame while restoring a sense of agency.
Research emphasises the importance of social support networks during recovery. Friends and family who respond with empathy rather than judgment help victims regain confidence and connection (Button et al., 2022). Education and awareness programs that normalise discussions about online deception can further reduce stigma and encourage reporting.
Prevention requires understanding both the emotional and technological dimensions of romance scams. Recognising early warning signs — rapid declarations of love, reluctance to meet in person, or repeated requests for money — can prevent escalation. However, awareness alone is insufficient without systemic support.
Researchers have suggested that online platforms could implement more robust verification systems and behavioural monitoring to detect deceptive activity earlier (Cross et al., 2016). Nonetheless, personal digital literacy remains the most effective safeguard. Encouraging people to approach online relationships with care and critical awareness can reduce the risk of exploitation while preserving the potential for genuine connection.
Buchanan, T., & Whitty, M. T. (2021). Online dating and the victimisation of trust: Understanding romance fraud. Journal of Criminology, 54(3), 293–308. https://doi.org/10.1177/26338076211002584
Button, M., Nicholls, C. M., Kerr, J., & Owen, R. (2022). Online fraud victimisation and the role of shame and self-blame in recovery. Victims & Offenders, 17(4), 539–558. https://doi.org/10.1080/15564886.2021.1988933
Cross, C., Richards, K., & Smith, R. G. (2016). Improving responses to online fraud victims: Learning from research. Criminology & Criminal Justice, 16(5), 493–512. https://doi.org/10.1177/1748895816634056
Whitty, M. T. (2018). Do you love me? Psychological characteristics of romance scam victims. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 21(2), 105–109. https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2017.0358
Whitty, M. T., & Buchanan, T. (2016). The online dating romance scam: Causes, consequences, and intervention strategies. British Journal of Criminology, 56(2), 293–312. https://doi.org/10.1093/bjc/azv020
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